Enjoy and Appreciate Life

2021 was the year we bid goodbye to Southampton. We made the decision to move post covid mainly because I missed the life and noise in Cebu City, my home. It's not exactly the same as Cebu but to hear traffic and drunk partygoers after 11:00 pm was enough to suffice for it.

From the NHS we have moved to private care. I have to admit, the pay is a bit higher and it has a different kind of "busy." Don't ask but that's how life is rolling at present. With higher salary comes higher overtime pay, of course. I planned to do lesser shifts in my current workplace because we thought we would have a better work - life balance because of the pay. This turned out to be the opposite.

Since I started doing OT's, my timesheets would at times total to 60 hours/ week. As a nurse, we work 37.5 hours a week (regular shifts). That means it kinda got over the roof. It felt like I lived at work and I wasn't aware how this was affecting me mentally. I work in a Medical-Surgical unit just to give you an idea of how my workplace set up is. It was a cycle I couldn't stop. Even at home all we talked about was work!

It then came to a point when I'd forget if I had switched the heating off, or if I had locked the door before l left for work. I thought about why this was happening but couldn't find an answer. Was it a post covid symptom? Was my age creeping up on my memory? idk. This went on for about four months and I'd get so annoyed but so clueless at the same time.

I knew I was working too much but always had "reasons" behind it.

"We need to save more."

"I need to buy this but don't want to touch our savings."

"We get to enjoy more if we have more money."

Life was simply about work-home-work-home. We had 1 - 2 days off and sometimes do five straight 12.5 hour shifts in a row. (more like 13 hours a day. lol) They had to tell me I couldn't do six straight shifts. Worst part is, I wasn't doing any self check to see if that was even good for me. Crazy.

So September came and we flew to Brazil...specifically Rio de Janeiro. It was more like a "let's just book this cos we don't need a visa for this country" kind of vacation.

I immediately fell in love with the place. Ipanema was amazing. We've heard and read lots of horror stories about Rio de Janeiro but decided to go for it anyway. I mean, you'll never know until you actually experience it yourself, right?

Anyway, we spent the first few days in Ipanema. The beach was a stones throw away from where we stayed so everyday we'd go for a swim and just forget about time. The sunshine felt like magic and every single day was marvelous. I loved every minute of it. Every morning we would go to this local bakery called Confeitaria e Lanchonete Ipanema and wait for the sun to rise. They open pretty early!

I love watching cities wake up. And it's been forever since I've done that. People going about their daily routine...walking their dogs, jogging by the coastline, businesses setting up, vendors on the streets, the sound of car horns and bike bells. It's something you don't often get to appreciate while you're walking to work because you're too busy thinking about what chaos awaits you. In other words, your eyes aren't exactly open to the world around you because your mind is somewhere else.

Looking back, this would be something I'd consider as practicing mindfulness, you know? Seeing things as they are and giving your 100% focus on them. Moving meditation, prolly? Best part was, I got to do this by the beach everyday.

It was unreal how weekdays almost felt like weekends. There were days when the main road was closed and people were out there either riding their bicycles or jogging...or skating. Families would gather and just enjoy one another's company. No I didn't often see people glued to their phones all the time. Everyone was always doing something else, something better and exciting.. sharing laughter, dads teaching their son soccer, people playing volley ball. All the simple but important things. Things we often overlook because we are too busy making a living. Ah yes, this is what it means to live.

My partner just basked under the sun for hours and hours on...watching the clouds move and listening to the sound of the waves. Everyday was a good day. We stayed in a B&B so we cooked our own meals and it was like legit living in Brazil except that we weren't working. We even took public transport...for reallll. The locals were so nice. Although we still were careful with our things as we are with every travel.

Then one fine day it dawned on me.

It's good to work hard but I don't have to work myself to the point of burnout. I pledged that I would not do extra shifts unless I have to (or just when I felt like it). I realized that it is these everyday things that give your life a sense of meaning. It is not ignoring your gut feeling cos you need to have that "daily grind" nor is it about the material things. Sounds cliche but it is easier said, folks. My perspective totally changed because of this experience and I am so grateful we randomly decided to go there. We are in a world where we are brought up with a mindset of "you have to work hard in order to be successful." In my opinion only, this is partly true...you gotta work hard AND smart and put yourself and your health first before anything because once you get ill, your money can't always save you. Plus, what is your definition of success? Remember, success doesn't always equate to having xxx figures in your bank account.

Vacation is over and it's been two weeks since we got back in London. I've been giving myself a pat on the back for the small victories I've had.

No checking of work e-mails at home.

I have not done any OTs even if the unit is not busy.

I've managed to book classes at the gym to conquer my social anxiety (cos I'm too much of an introvert and it needs to change)

I go out to enjoy the sunshine. Not all the time in Starbucks like I used to. I just hand out on the bench outside our flat and just enjoying the present. I don't always need to be in a cafe, I can be anywhere and be fine with it.

I don't bring work home!

True enough guys...travel does change you. It changed me. Well, more like fixed me. I thank my partner a millionfold for this trip because who'd think that just the simple things can change everything? Of course I still have bills to pay and stuff, but I stopped the dreaded cycle and rediscovered parts of myself.

I hope you do, too!:)

Enjoy life.

xx,

Michelle